The Self-development lie: For years we have been surrounded by messages that tell us we need to improve ourselves. Become more. Achieve more. Optimise more. It has become a global movement that rarely stops to question its own premise. But the more I mentor clients, the more I see that the issue is not a lack of effort. The issue is misalignment.
This week on Unbox The Podcast I discuss a perspective that many people find refreshing, and even liberating. What if you do not need to fix yourself. What if what truly needs attention is your understanding of yourself.
The best version of yourself
I came across an article recently written by a psychologist who reached the same conclusion. He admitted that he had become tired of self-development. Not because he stopped caring, but because he realised that the constant attempt to upgrade himself had become another form of pressure. This made me reflect on the years I have spent helping people navigate their inner stories.
I have never used the phrase “the best version of yourself”. It does not align with how growth actually works. We already are. What prevents us from living with ease and clarity is not a flaw in who we are. It is the subtle drift away from ourselves. The stories we inherit. The expectations placed on us. The emotions we do not understand. And the pressure to keep striving even when we are tired.
BEMA the mechanism becomes the methodology
This is why I use the BEMA Methodology when I mentor. Body, Emotions, Mind, and Accountability are not abstract concepts. They are the four places where real misalignment shows. When the body is tense, emotions become blurred. When emotions are not understood, the mind creates stories. And when those stories take over, accountability becomes fear rather than clarity.
What clients often need is not transformation. They need modulation. A fine tuning. A gentle return to their natural rhythm. This is how living systems function. They adapt. They adjust. They realign. The idea that you need to dramatically rebuild yourself is a misunderstanding of how human growth actually works.
Do you feel guilty?
In the episode I talk about how guilt often creeps into the process. Guilt for not meditating perfectly. Guilt for not finishing every book. Guilt for not waking up early enough or achieving fast enough. This guilt does not come from your inner wisdom. It comes from comparison and cultural pressure. It is this guilt that keeps people stuck in a cycle of self-correction that leads nowhere.
The truth is more grounded. People need space to understand their inner process without turning life into a project. They need clarity about what is actually taking place inside them. And they need support that allows them to shift without down time. My mentoring is designed exactly for that. You do not need to pause your life to grow. You need alignment that integrates into your day, not disrupts it.
New podcast episode every Tuesday
If this topic speaks to you, I invite you to listen to Episode 48 of Unbox The Podcast. It is a gentle and practical conversation about returning to yourself without pressure. It may help you recognise where you have drifted, and how you can come back to a place of clarity.
Rewrite Your Story. Reclaim Your Power.
And as always, there is more support available on my website, from eBooks to online courses and personalised mentoring. The links are below the player. Enjoy listening.
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